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Posts tagged ‘nuts’

May 20

Muffin Monday: Let’s Make a Date


I know so many young adult men who are single and I keep wondering why.  Before you start whistling the kettle that my pot is calling black, I’m not going to yenta any of these friends unless they ask for it.  As president of the “single and happy about it” club I fully respect those loud and proud in their relationship status…but I know not all of them are happy about it.  Yet despite being able to say they want something more, they don’t seem to know how to go about doing it.    Guys don’t think it’s just you either.  It’s 2013 and plenty of ladies can be the ones to initiate a date—and we know it.  So ladies get to share in the horror of the asking too and it’s no less terrifying to be a girl in that situation I promise you.

The process of initiating a first date can be intimidating.  Does the mere thought of asking a girl out give you sweaty palms and heart palpitations?  Are you struggling with just the right, witty first line to impress her?  Are you reading every body signal and analyzing if her thanks for picking up the pencil she dropped is a sign that she’s ready to have babies with you?  Well STOP IT.  STOP IT RIGHT NOW.

It’s not that complicated.  Trust me.  You aren’t going to find some magical pick up line that makes her love you forever and ever and ever…. Sure there are those amazing stories from romantic comedies that make the story of “how I met your mother” seem legend….  But they aren’t real and they aren’t realistic either.  I promise you that no girl (I can’t speak on behalf of guys but I imagine this hold true with them) will think any less of this opening line:

“Hi, I’m ____.  I’ve seen you around work/the building/wherever and wanted to finally introduce myself.”

Now what?  Now you let her introduce herself.  If she doesn’t walk away, you move on to the second part of the process.

“It’s nice to meet you her name.  I was wondering if you were available at all for coffee or maybe even dinner sometime?”

That’s it.  That’s all it will take if the object of your affection, hereto known as the OoA, is at all interested in going out with you.  You don’t need to offer any sort of compliment—you can but it’s not needed and things like “you have the most beautiful eyes” can sound cheesy depending on the girl or the delivery.  I promise you, you don’t need it.  Save the compliments for the date if it’s received.  That’s when you want to use them.   Trust me you aren’t going to change her mind for a date by telling her she looks pretty; the mere fact that you are asking her out pretty much set the expectation that you find her attractive.  Now there are some girls who will love a huge romantic gesture, this is true, but to others it can scare them off.  If you keep it simple, stupid, you don’t run into any risk of seeming too…well too anything.  Too interested, too apathetic, too boring.  Simple is good.  Save the complexity for the date.

Which brings me to the most crucial part of the asking out: setting the date.  Don’t leave it up in the air.   Be prepared with a date, a place and a time.  Offer these up but be flexible for her schedule or dietary preferences.  “I know a great place for coffee.  How about Tuesday at 6?” and then let her respond and beyond all be flexible if she suggests some-when or somewhere else.  Unless it’s a local skinhead bar.  Then run away.

But Olivia what about if they say no?  How do I handle that kind of rejection?  *Sigh*  Okay I’m going to try to explain this without going past a second page.

“We make time for the things that are important to us.”

There’s so much truth in such a simple little statement like that.  Right now my life priorities are still: Family, Work, Health, Passions and Friends…followed by everything else.  Notice what’s not on there?  Funny business aka romantic interludes.  The fact that I’m not willing to make time is a good indicator of how serious I am about it—and that’s not at all.  So guys and gals, if the object of your affections can’t be tied down to a time and a place…well then this person just isn’t that invested and you shouldn’t waste too much time on it either.  But don’t take it personally and don’t think it means there’s something wrong with you.  Just let it be.  Make a second attempt to connect if she doesn’t respond to your initial text or phone call about the date–she may have accepted tenuously but just has been too busy to follow up.  That being said if she just can’t commit to it on a third try just let it go because as the book title says “He/She’s just not that into you” and it probably has absolutely nothing to do with you.  The worst thing is to send a barrage of messages, to get too personal, to get rambly….  Do NOT send a message about your past relationships or how eager you are.  Just be simple, flexible and reserved.  When you throw too much emotion at someone whose middle name you don’t even know…they’re gonna bolt.  You might ask out 100 people and get 1 positive response back and that’s okay because I’m telling you that of those 99 rejections, 99% of them have nothing to do with you.  One might.  Maybe she saw you picking your nose or getting into a parking lot fight, I don’t know, I’m just playing the odds here.

I mean I’m not dismissing offers for any reason to do with the date-asker-outer.  It has nothing to do with appearances, personality or any aspect of their physical presence.  I just can’t even fathom making the time to emotionally invest in something that intense and I have so many things to juggle…I can’t have the responsibility of handling someone else’s emotions on that level.   Your OoA (Object of Affection) might have too much on their plate for romance.  Or you might a gross slob.  Look in the mirror and get real and we’ll talk about what to do if you ARE in fact kind of a slob on another day.

In the meantime here’s a surefire way to get some dates into your day honey-muffin.  Bwahahaha segue?  CHECK!

Honey Date Muffins

An Olivia Original Read more

Apr 18

Bread-Pudding it into perspective

I should note I wrote this just before the Waco disaster last night.  Like an hour before.

It’s hard for me to focus on anything but the news when something big and horrifying happens.  That’s why the blog goes dark usually in the day following a major even like what happened in Boston.  I just can’t seem to bring myself to write about anything other than the event that’s taken over news media…assuming I’m able to bring myself to write about it at all.  It really disturbs me too that my last post was literally about just enjoying something for its own beautiful sake to be marred by a mass bombing that is anything but beautiful.  Unfortunately as evident by this post I’m still unable to get to writing about anything until I talk about the giant elephant in the room.  So okay here’s my response to the bombing of the Boston Marathon.

First of all when I found out I was actually climbing onto the treadmill to do my daily run.  I usually get at least 2 miles in a day now—minimum of 1 even on days when I feel like shit—and let me tell you that running while watching the news about people who died while running is surreal.  I found myself wondering “should I be doing this?  Should I stop?  This feels disrespectful somehow.”  It was the most bewildering thing to be feeling when I was supposed to be getting exercise.  I don’t normally watch the televisions in the gym when I work out.  I really like zoning out to my music and daydreaming or feeling the “pavement” i.e. the treadmill track beneath my feet.  Obviously though when the tv is in front of your face and the words EXPLOSION streaming across it tends to grab your attention.

But here’s the really sick thing I feel about these events now.  As I was watching and looking for a death toll, seeing that it was at 2 I thought “oh well okay, it’s only a little bombing.”  WTF.  What kind of world do I live in where I even have that kind of reaction?  Were other people having any of the same thoughts as me?  See I actually pay attention to the news.  I’m a media hound.  I have google news tabs open my computer all the time.  Bombings like Boston are happening almost every day in poorer countries around the globe.  It almost strikes me as arrogant when people in the US are so shocked about one like this happening here.  We’re a big fucking target for disgruntled angry terrorists—foreign and homegrown alike.  Frankly I’m really surprised we don’t have more bombings here.  We certainly get enough shootings it seems like the next logical one-up in the mad man’s mind for media attention.  I found myself getting cynical about how this is going to be on everyone’s mind for the next month but no one seems to be aware that today for example, Egypt sent two rockets into Israel.  No one is probably aware that 182 people died in Afghanistan this month in bombings.  These events are so far removed and so common that I guess we just don’t pay attention.  But I do.  Ever since I was woken up by two very large plane crashes over a decade ago I can’t help but keep a beat on the pulse of this world and the pulse is explosive.  Turns out a few of my friends were having the same thoughts/feelings/reactions as me.  I wonder if it was like this before 9/11 for other generations or if this is the new norm for us who exist in a world without the twin towers.

I’m not ranting or raging though.  I get it.  I mean these other events are far removed from us. The world is smaller than it used to be but we’re still made up of a myriad of cultures—many far removed and still barely understand by the others.  The events that hit close to home are the ones that are going to grab our attention because it could be people we know, people we experience life with rather than read about.  As we evolve in our technological achievements we’re also going to evolve at getting better at killing each other so the bigger the BOOM and the closer we are to it, the more we’ll pay attention.  I totally get it.  It makes me happy too that the silver lining to these events is always the revelation of the strength of human spirit and the good things that are possible by people en masse as opposed to the bad things the mob mentality likes to bring out of us as well.  Two sides of the same coin—that’s humanity in a nutshell isn’t it?  We are capable of horrifying evil and astonishing kindness.

I just hope that I don’t get lost in the apathy between the two.  I think I’m okay though.  I still cried at Glee last week.  Yes motherfuckers I was on a treadmill watching the latest episode about the school shooting with tears streaming down my face so I know I’m not a robot yet.

Anyway in times like this one of the best things is comfort food.  Certain things fall quite obviously into the category of comfort food.  Bread Pudding is definitely one of them.  I mean not only is it bread which I find incredibly homey, delicious and often crave just a giant loaf to chew on when I’m down, but it’s bread in pudding form.  You don’t get more rustic, warm and down to earth than that.  When we read about people using bombs, North Korea getting testy with nuclear weaponry, I think there’s a little bit of a longing for a world where these kinds of creative mass murders aren’t possible.  A little technological rewind.  Well we can’t undo any of these things without totally destroying civilization as we know it and frankly if you asked most people my age about living in a world without terrorist bombs at the cost of their smartphones…I’m pretty sure I know what they’d choose.  Hell I don’t think I’d choose any different.  I can at least travel back in time though in my kitchen and find comfort and delicious heaven where I make it.  Warning: this is literally the best bread pudding I have ever had.  I had total strangers at work seeking me out to tell me that they were brought some and tell me it was the best bread pudding that they had ever had.  It’s seriously the antithesis of pain and agony—it’s absolute joy in a bowl, in your mouth and in your stomach.  Hell you might like it so much that you even cherish a little fat deposit from eating the entire batch because it will stir such fond memories of the flavors.  It’s that good and I certainly need something good right now.  Don’t you?

Caramel Apple Bread Pudding

an Olivia Original Read more

Mar 29

I’m too sexy for this Pesach

Here’s a dirty secret about Passover: by now most of your Jewish friends are feeling the unpleasant pressure of days of eating crackers that consist of just water and flour.  It’s a pretty binding holiday if you take my meaning.  So I’m a tired, cranky and craving something…pruney.

Which means it’s a perfect time to talk about the Charoset on the Seder Plate.  So far we’ve explored the two vegetables, both fairly bitter, and the oh-so -delightfully constrictive Matzo.  You might be thinking that this whole thing pretty much sucks and why in the world would you want any part in it?  Well the Charoset is kind of the antithesis of these things.  It’s a sweet mixture of nuts, fruit, honey and wine and it’s absolutely everyone’s favorite thing on the Seder plate.  After dipping our horseradish in salt water to remember the bitterness of slavery, we then dip a second piece in this mixture to symbolize the sweetness of freedom.  This is in fact the subject of the third question the child is supposed to ask:

Shebb’khol hallelot en anu matbillin afillu pa‘am eḥat, vehallayla hazze sh’tei fe‘amim.
Why is it that on all other nights we do not dip [our food] even once, but on this night we dip them twice?

The first to remember our oppression and the second time to celebrate our freedom.  This mixture of fruits and nuts is supposed to be chosen because it resembles the brown mixture of mud and brick used by the slaves in their building of the Pyramids of Egypt.  I say supposed to because there’s another theory about the origin of the Charoset that I rather like: it’s sex.  On a plate.  I like this concept for many reasons, not just the obvious sweaty parts, and it does have some biblical bearing.  Charoset contains many of the items listed in the Song of Songs (also known as the Song of Solomon) which is essentially a love poem.  It’s short, one of the shortest books in the Old Testament, it’s Sweet, love poem dur, and it’s SEXY.  Seriously if you have an adult mind at all you won’t be able to miss some of the intense sexual imagery in the poem.  It’s commonly interpreted as a parable about the love of G-d for Israel or for Christians it’s about the love of Jesus.

The best argument I’ve seen for this is from an article in the Washington Post (2009) from Rabbi Arthur Waskow.  His argument in favor of the Song of Songs stems from lines like these:

“Feed me with apples and with raisin-cakes;

“Your kisses are sweeter than wine;

“The scent of your breath is like apricots;

“Your cheeks are a bed of spices;

“The fig tree has ripened;

“Then I went down to the walnut grove.”

It does sound like a recipe list for many a Charoset.

Why all the sex?  I mean Passover really doesn’t have much going on for it otherwise in the sexy department.  The story is kind of horrific and the matzo leaves your insides feeling like they’ve reached a capacity limit.  But let’s get real: before Passover, before Easter there was the Vernal, or Spring Equinox.  It’s got a bunch of different names for a slew of international “pagan” holidays but they all had one thing in common: fertility.  Tis the season for making babies.  I mean you didn’t really think bunnies and eggs had anything to do with Jesus did you?   Pagan religious rites are especially influential in modern day Christian ceremonies but we do see little tastes of them in Judaism as well.  Passover always occurs around springtime so it makes sense that at least a little of this would influence the holiday.

Or maybe I just happen to be a dirty minded person and I’m choosing to believe what conforms best to my world view.  Either way I’m tired and I think that like the Song of Songs, today’s post should be short and sweet and DONE.

I offer up to you one of the sexiest cakes in my repertoire—which also happens to be a dense, bricklike mixture of chocolate, nuts, fruit and brandy.  It’s Charoset on steroids.  This recipe originally came to me as Dorie Greenspan’s “Chocolate Armagnac Cake.”  This cake actually got her fired because she adapted the recipe at a restaurant from a raisin whisky cake to one using plums and Armagnac…without permission.  OOPS.  I have further altered it to make the recipe Kosher for Passover.  Instead of Armagnac brandy I use Mosby’s Slivovitz which is a Kosher for Passover Plum Brandy.  The recipe initially uses very little flour and I just replace all of it with either extra ground nut flour or some finely ground matzo meal.  I like using just nut flour because it also makes the recipe totally gluten free but either way you can’t go wrong.

 

Charoset Plum Brandy Cake Read more

Mar 18

1 Comment

Countess Crawley eschews this Oat Cuisine

veganpumpkinoatmealcookies (3)Happy National Oatmeal [Raisin] Cookie Day!  Now I know yesterday was all about the luck o’ the Irish but today I’m making the choice to talk about the kilt and clan of my people so plbbbbbbbbbbbbt.

Ah oatmeal.  Oatmeal that staple of breakfast diet, a healthy cholesterol reducing whole grain, cheap to grow, fast to make, loved by all…most everyone.  Except me.  Me, the girl who will eat snails with a grin on her face has one food she’s really never embraced and it’s mother frakking traditional breakfast oatmeal.  In fact when that’s all that’s offered I will often skip breakfast rather than eat it.    Oats are delicious and have a great flavor, I just find the gelatinous muck that people eat for breakfast oddly unpleasant in both taste and texture.  Someone once noted that it’s because I try to eat it plain and that oatmeal is delicious but that’s after you load it up with sugar, and cream and fruit.  Well then pish posh all I can think is that you lose all those healthy advantages.  At that point you may as well be making the multitudes of delicious things I do like oats in. Bread, cakes, waffles, scones…cookies!

Oh hey it’s national Oatmeal Cookie Day.  Well then cookies it is.

veganpumpkinoatmealcookies (2)Oats were a grain largely considered inferior until the American Cereal renaissance of the 19th century.  Until a conglomerate of evangelical Christians came together to form Quaker Oats (none of them actually being quakers mind you) the oat was eaten in few places.  The Greeks and Romans considered it to be little more than an infected/sickly strain of wheat.  While Asian in origin it hardly shows up in Asian cooking.  Middle east—forget about it.  Yet hand it to a Scotsman and he’ll eat for days.

Why?  Well the grain is one of few suited best for extremely wet, moist regions.  Aside from rice which gets grown in flooded patties, oat requires far more moisture than any other cereal grain.  The kernels are extremely tough and fibrous which makes it harder and more time consuming to process for consumption.  There is also a higher risk of rancidity from fat oxidation—oats are higher in fat as well as fat consuming enzymes.  Moisture triggers the enzymes, the fats break down and voila—rotten oats.  For whatever reason the wet climate of Scotland and temperament of its people provided the perfect land for this grain to grow, thrive and survive in diets.  Just slightly to the south the English despised the grain.  Now my understanding is that the climate of England is pretty darn wet so I doubt growing the stuff was a problem.  Nope the Brits just had a thing against the oat…they were defined by it!veganpumpkinoatmealcookies

Samuel Johnson’s Definitions (published in 1755) was the most widely used dictionary in England for 130 years until the first installment of the golden standard Oxford English Dictionary.  Impressive not just because it was the first dictionary, Definitions is thought to have been almost entirely developed by Johnson with minimal clerical help and only in 9 years.  It also incorporated far more, uh, opinion than you might be used to seeing in our current dictionaries.  How do I mean?  Well let’s look at the English evaluation of oats: “A grain, which in England is generally given to horses, but in Scotland appears to support the people.”  Now supposedly, never one to miss an opportunity to insult the English, my Scottish ancestors would quip back “And England is noted for the excellence of her horses, Scotland for the excellence of her men.”  Though unlike Johnson’s line, I’m not sure who to credit that gem to.

veganpumpkinoatmealcookies (4)So now why do we all know the happy, smiling man on boxes of Quaker Oats?  Good ol’ fashioned American ingenuity.  Well technically they were German immigrants but I think once you’ve moved to America and built an empire out of nothing all thanks to glorious mechanization and processing techniques of the Industrial Revolution, you are sufficiently American to me!  Take that as you will—I’m not espousing rhetoric here.  The American Dream was to do exactly this…now if it was done on the backs of union labor or fingerless children; well that’s a debate for blogs more politically open than mine.  No thank you let’s just get to the cookies.

I LOVE this recipe and the fact that it’s vegan just means I can make it for literally anyone I know.  Except the anti-raisin crowd.  Some people just can’t help themselves from being difficult can they?  Just love to discriminate against a classic cookie flavor.  Fine!  You can malign this recipe with chocolate chips if you like but me, I am equal opportunity for my cookie additives and some days you just can’t beat a craving for this soft, moist and raisin studded treat.  A surprisingly healthy one too thanks to grapeseed oil and flaxseed.   These are cookies that are good for the heart.

Oatmeal Raisin Cookies

Modified slightly from Vegan with a Vengeance Read more

Feb 26

1 Comment

Think Thin Tuesday: Salad for Bone-heads (shoulders, knees and toes!)

Do you ever have those moments of realizing something that shakes your world, makes you sit back and say “well, fuck.”

This summer I’ll be turning 25 which in all honesty is still a very young age.  My ovaries aren’t about to cough up their last egg.  My hair isn’t near turning grey though to be honest I’ll never know when it does thanks to an amazing hair stylist.  I may already have a few wrinkles from frowning too much but they aren’t age related…yet.  Aside from an old ankle injury and a bundle of tight nerves I am in pretty good physical health.

But 25 is ¼ of 100; even if I live to be 100, I will have lived a quarter of my life already.  That’s a bigger chunk of the pie chart than pac-man’s mouth.  PacMan has eaten 25% of my life.  Well, fuck.  Plus 25, well that’s when things really official start to slow down.  The metabolism of your youth is not going to be nearly as reliable when you eat that second donut.  Bones aren’t storing any additional calcium you get into your diet.  Your body in general is going to start losing that springy bounce-back-ability from nights of partying.  In short: it’s time to grow up kid and start thinking about making sure that you are able to enjoy the next 50 years in good health.

As a woman one of the things I need to worry about especially is the calcium issue.  A lot of us get the “Got Milk” message in our youth and there’s a lot of emphasis placed around getting calcium for growing bones.  Did you know that’s not JUST about the initial growth phase though?  True you need to make sure you have this vital nutrient to get big and strong but it’s actually also about making sure you get an influx of calcium to store in those bones—to last you the rest of your life.  Around your mid-twenties your body stops storing calcium in your bones.  Around your 30’s you start to lose bone density—you start losing calcium.  It’s caused by a lack of exercise (which reinforces and strengthens not only muscle but bone) and it is exacerbated by a lack of sufficient calcium absorption in your diet.

Oh and do you know what else studies are revealing causes a breakdown of bone density?  Soft drinks.  Soda.  The December 2008 American Journal of Clinical Nutrition reported that long term soft drink consumption had a strong correlation with bone loss.  Mom thank you so much for keeping us from drinking coca-cola growing up.  I owe you.

The reason your body starts to lose calcium is because your heart needs calcium to work.  Calcium plays a pivotal role in some cellular functions and I will try not to bore you to tears with the details.  Basically in order to move certain chemicals in/out of your cells your body needs calcium to open a drawbridge of sorts.  If your body isn’t absorbing enough from your diet, which it gets worse and worse at doing as you age, it starts to seek elsewhere for this resource.  Guess where?  That’s right.  Your bones.  t, that big scary word that we always see old ladies talking about on TV is essentially the result of your body mining your bones for precious calcium and leaving them porous and weakened.  Women have it especially bad because the hormonal hell that is menopause also contributes to bone loss.

Thankfully there are a few things that really can help fight this off.  Regular exercise will keep your bones strong and encourage calcium uptake from your diet.  Running, hiking, weight lifting and anything that involves surface impact will help.  Unfortunately from what I’ve read activities that are better for the joints (i.e. swimming) are less helpful in this regard.  So try to vary your physical activity but ultimately any workout is better than none.  There are also foods you can eat to help you retain bone density.  Fermented foods and Fennel are especially good for you.  Of course getting calcium into your body isn’t about just eating calcium.  Our bodies usually require a delicate balance of various macro and micronutrients to successfully integrate the benefits from each.  Calcium is much better utilized for example, when your meal is also high in potassium, magnesium and vitamins D&K.  This is why it is still so, so much better to get nutrition from your food rather than a pill.  Nature has designed her vegetables and fruits with our bodies partly in mind.

So here is one of my favorite slaws to eat with a meal.  It’s got a ton of fiber and heart helping vegetables, in addition to being low calorie and full of healthy fats, and it tastes amazing.

Celery Root, Fennel Apple Salad

Adapted from a recipe published in Bon Apetit Feb2010 Read more

Feb 11

1 Comment

Muffin Monday: Just an orangery old coot….

Deep down inside I think I’m really just an 80 year old man.  With man boobs.  Aw man. **anyone know what I’m quoting?**  I seem to be a cranky old sailor (despite my penchant for sundresses and floppy hats), ready to complain about kids hover-boarding on my lawn and I’m not even 25 yet.  People love to say I have an old soul but sometimes I wonder if that means I’m all withered up like a prune in the “fun” centers of my brain.  Then again I know of other 20 somethings who feel like they had more in common with Mr. Wilson than Dennis so maybe this isn’t so rare after all?  My friend Brian likes to poke fun at my willingness to “rage” on the internet but couldn’t that be simultaneously a symptom of immaturity as well as a lack of youthful spirit?  I prefer to think of it as righteous indignation—because that has the word right in it so clearly I must be correct yes?  Maybe righteous indignation coupled with wisdom, passion and a flawed but ultimately belligerently adorable ornery Olivia state of mind?

Ornery Olivia–she comes out when I’m tired or cranky—not that unusual I think for someone to be a little bit on edge and snappish when stressed.  The bigger issue then maybe is that I’m stressed too often and need to learn to “let it go” as it were.  “Raging” or ranting can release the frustration I feel but sometimes it just leaves me feeling worse off than before—agitated primarily at myself for getting so, well, agitated.  I just don’t know how to not be a smart ass sometimes.  I was contemplating this the other day after leaving my yoga studio.  I just got out of a particularly challenging Bikram session that left me physically drained but very happy with my practice when a young white bald man approaches me.

“Hare Krishna” he says.  I smile and nod as the social expectations dictate even though I didn’t ASK to be approached on the street by a stranger with a greeting.  My phone is in my hands and I’m trying to make sure that I don’t have any missed important messages regarding a brunch I was planning the next day.

“Can you say Hare Krishna?” the man is speaking to me like a child who doesn’t know her words.  Apparently my normally socially acceptable smile and nod was insufficient for this individual who wishes to engage me in his practice.  Ornery Olivia is tired and rears her head, which ironically provides me with a surge of energy.

“Do I have the powers of speech?  Yes I do.”

“Well are you going to say it?”  I roll my eyes.

“Thank you goodbye” my attention turned back to my phone and I shift my bag ready to walk away.

“Do you know what Hare Krishna means?” I am asked.

“Yes thank you goodbye”

“Well then what does it mean?”

“It means I’m about to punch you in the throat if you don’t leave me alone.”  Okay I admit this last bit was a thought bubble and not what came out.  I’m ornery but not generally violent, at least not toward total strangers even if they are being obnoxious.

“I don’t speak on command like a pet.  Now thank you and GOODBYE.”

“Well maybe you’ll do better tomorrow.”

“Not if I see you first.” and then I turned and walked away.

I know I didn’t need to engage but sometimes my mouth just gets away from me.  Still I just HATE being stopped on the street by total strangers.  Pan-handlers are bad enough but at least I understand the begging.  I get far more annoyed by petitioners, especially ones who dress themselves up to look like city officials, who do their best to make you feel guilty for having places to go.  What’s more I don’t find it particularly safe to just stop on the street whenever any person wants to ask you something.  It’s a city mentality I suppose, a crotchety one, but I didn’t grow up in Mayberry and I don’t think it’s wise to assume that people have benign intentions.

Then there is the other side of me.  The shiny, Kaylee, bubbly sundress wearing, parasol twirling little girl who sees the world with Vanellope Sweet-candy eyes.

I guess I confuse even myself.

Anyway after a day of being the old lady version of myself I decided to embrace some sunshiney weather with equally sunshiney orange muffins.  I turned Ornery Olivia into Orangey Olivia.

See, see what I did there?

I loved the flavor in these but not so much the texture.  I tried out a recipe from a cookbook I rarely use (because I own too many cookbooks and am trying to branch out from Dorie) and was immediately suspicious of this being too cake like.  Sure enough they were very cakey and as a result they really were only good day of baking.  I put them out for a brunch on Sunday (made them Saturday) and found that the muffins were probably the least popular thing on the table…but they sure brightened it up with their chipper appearance.  Also don’t tell anyone but they actually got a nutrition boost from my own addition to the recipe: flax meal.

Ornery Orange Muffins

Modified from “The Buttercup Bake Shop Cookbook” Read more

Jan 21

2 Comments

The meaning of expensive taste

IMG_3001Forget the Marmalade, lady, it’s all about the Cardamom.  Gucci Gucci ya ya!

I am inexorably drawn to the most expensive item in a department store.  It seems to be my sad fate that I have both incredible and expensive taste.  I don’t look for the designer handbag, and I certainly have no interest in the ostentatious labels that seems so perplexingly popular.  I’ve never found the Louis Vuitton pattern to be very attractive, as example, because I don’t like the idea of my expensive leather being branded more than cattle.  What I do always seem to gravitate toward is the even more expensive, sleek and classic beauty of say some clean Prada lines.  I don’t even know it’s designer usually until I see the price tag.  My natural inclination toward expensive tastes seems to apply to food as well—or more specifically spices.

Most people are familiar at least by name with Saffron, the most expensive spice by weight in the world and I’m sure everyone knows what Vanilla is.  Betcha didn’t know that “basic” flavor is actually the second most expensive thing you can buy though did you?  Not unless you ever looked at the cost of that vanilla bean in the spice aisle.  The third most expensive spice in the world is also one that I’m completely obsessed with.  Cardamom.  Delicious.  Exotic.  Ancient.  As in biblical (Revelations 18:13 apparently) It’s one of my favorite things to use in foods lately.  I always go through my own kitchen fads where I become obsessed with one ingredient for a short period of time but I don’t think my cardamom love is going anywhere anytime soon.

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Not familiar with this spice?  I don’t blame you.  80% of the world production goes to the Indian-Arab world, primarily to add flavor to their coffee called Gahwa.  It also is said to have medicinal properties that aid in digestion, throat soreness and inflammation—hardly surprising for a plant in the ginger family.

IMG_3016The next 10% goes to, of all places, Scandinavia.  You might remember from my recipe for Swedish Meatballs that Scandinavians seem to be particularly fond of some of the more Middle Eastern spices.  While the seeds of this ginger related plant are mentioned in the New Testament, there doesn’t seem to be much recorded history of cardamom in use in Europe until the middle ages.  The spice growth erupted in the early 20th century when German immigrants brought it to the new world—making Guatemala the largest producer of the plant today.  India, the natural source of cardamom, is second.

It has a very distinctive flavor and anyone who has eaten Indian food will most likely attribute this spice to that unique taste.  It manages to be both woodsy and citrusy so it works exceedingly well in savory and sweet dishes.  The green variety has a “cleaner” flavor, more citrusy, and is light and aromatic.  The black cardamom is the “bull in a china shop” version and less intense/complex.  This makes the green better suited for delicate dessert recipes but in very small quantities.  It doesn’t take much, thankfully, considering that this is the third most expensive spice you can buy.  Don’t let that spook you away from my recipe today though.  It is well worth it and it’s not nearly as bad as a single vanilla bean at $10-$16 dollars a bean.  If you can locate a store with bulk spices you can get just enough for this recipe and spend less than a dollar.    Ground cardamom is also much cheaper than the pods themselves.

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This recipe works as a muffin mix but it also makes a fantastic coffee cake.  As I said earlier, cardamom is a natural pairing for coffee in the Middle East, and if you are a fan of the bitter caffeinated beverage, you’ll really enjoy this duo for breakfast.  I think you’ll love the cake even if you hate coffee.

 Cardamom Crumb Cake
 from Dorie Greenspan’s Baking from my home to yours Read more

Jan 17

A berry frightening cake-walk

CranberryUpsideDowner (9)I’m pretty sure I almost just got mugged.  My hands are still shaking from the adrenaline that got pumping as I walked away hoping desperately that I wasn’t going to be followed.  Never more have I wished for Slayer strength.

I was walking home from the BART station later than usual because I have a few doctors’ visits I need to catch up on.  I’ll spare you some of the gory details of dental exams or toe surgeries but suffice to say I was coming home in the dark.  It’s only a few paltry blocks to my apartment, cake walk even late, and I’m not in a particularly dangerous part of town.  Regardless I remain aware that Oakland is a city and cities mean higher rates of crime.  Pretty much every city dweller I know, regardless of what part of town they live in, has been mugged eventually.  I know it’s very likely going to happen to me at some point.  Last night I really thought it was the time.CranberryUpsideDowner (17)

As I approached my building, literally just across the street, I came to a stop at the corner of a bar full of happy hour patrons to wait for the light to change.  I noticed that coming up to my left was a somewhat imposing looking man, walking quite slow and staring at me rather hard.  A quick scan down and I saw that in his hand was a switchblade which he was toying with.  As I made eye contact, for only a moment, I became aware of movement and saw that he was slowly opening and closing the knife.  I pulled my bag closer and began to pull away from the light.  It was still green in the opposing direction and I figured I’d be safer moving toward the bar.  If the light wasn’t going to change soon I was ready to jump into the bar and order myself a cuppa.

CranberryUpsideDowner (14)The would-be-mugger slowed down even more and the blade flicked open again, and then closed.  Funny how something that probably took only a second could seem to drag on so long.

The light turned yellow and I took a chance.  I jumped into the street, left turning cars be damned, and keeping my eye over my shoulder, hurried across the street.  In my mind I kept the mantras of Arya playing “quick as a deer, calm as still water, fear cuts deeper” Halfway across the light turned and my little walking man appeared.  I glanced back again and the criminal in question was simply standing at the walk, staring across but not moving to walk.  His knife was still in his hand and he was simply standing, not looking to cross in either direction.  Once I made it across the street I felt my heart beating faster as I hurried to the end of the building to get inside.  All I could think was that in my puffy marshmallow coat, my Russian flap hat and fingerless gloves, I appeared to be little worth the time or effort.  Not when a more well put together bar patron may approach that corner with cash in hand. Never have I been so glad I didn’t wash my hair or put on makeup that day.  Once inside, behind my locked and card entry only door, I let myself feel the fear that I was suppressing.

I may well be over-reacting.  I know many men who play with their knives as an idle exercise.  I have even done it with mine when I’m walking home alone at night.  I can only tell you that he didn’t **look** quite right and I am far more Klingon than Vulcan when it comes to trusting my gut in situations like these.   He also may have just been crazy.  The sad thing about city life is that you see those individuals who have truly managed to slip through the cracks.  I have no sympathy for 20somethings with dreadlocks, guitars and hands held open on nights that aren’t cold but I do feel so sadly when I see the genuinely mentally ill wandering about in the evening.  They generally aren’t asking for handouts either—rather they are likely to smack you in the stomach (which happened to me my first week in town) or rave at the sky.  THOSE are the people who need help.  I’m actually going to look into some sort of volunteer or outreach program to get involved with in the next month.  I’ve been wanting to do some sort of volunteer/community work lately.  Grief replace with pity for a city barely copin’….

CranberryUpsideDowner (13)

Having survived my possible robbery, I went up to my top floor apartment and did the two things those who know me well might expect: I called my stepdad and got to baking.  I guess I am just a girl at the end of the day.  All I wanted after a scare like that was the calming influence of a father’s voice and the comforting smell of something in the oven.  Baking always gives me a sense of peace…at least it does when it goes correctly.  Which is why on nights like this I’m happy to have recipes I can turn to that always go right.  Cheesecake is one thing I can do in my sleep so I threw one together for a coworker’s birthday.  Then I turned to this recipe from Dorie for a Cranberry Upside Down Cake.  It always comes together beautifully and it always tastes like home.  Probably because of the holiday association with cranberries but this really is a great cake to make year round.  I always have cranberries in the freezer.  It also works really well with other fruits.  I made it a few summers ago with some spice tweaks and peaches instead.  Delicious!

Upside Down Cranberry Cake

from Dorie Greenspan’s “Baking from my home to yours” Read more

Dec 14

2 Comments

Fantasy Friday: Hobbits—more baked than a cake

Twice Baked Hobbit Honey Cakes (2)But Olivia you already wrote a recipe for LOTR in the last few months.  Why did you develop another?  1) The Hobbit is NOT part of the LOTR it is the “prequel” and 2) Fool!  Are you not aware that today is the day of the release of the long awaited (by nerds around the world) first installment of the dragon-sized behemoth trilogy for The Hobbit?  I’m going to see it tonight and getting pretty excited.  Since it is the biggest geekgasm film to be released since the summer masterpiece of Avengers I figured it warranted a second breakfast—er, recipe.

I have to wonder though…three movies?  Really?  It’s only ONE book, one little book when you compare it to the entire Lord of the Rings Trilogy which Jackson managed to contain in 1 book- 1 film installments.  We’d better get every last damn detail out of the book.  If anything, ANYTHING, is left out, I will nerdrage hard.  There was a lot that they left out in the original trilogy (Tom Bombadil anyone???) and if I’m going to shell out approximately 60 dollars over three film installments of one book I demand satisfaction.  That’s a low estimate too.  Between the cost of tickets for HFR-3D and concession items, plus parking costs if I go to certain theatres…yeah 60 dollars easy.  Damn it really does bug me how corporate America is just ca$hing in on the nerds these days.

Twice Baked Hobbit Honey Cakes (5)

I know, I sound like a hippie.  “Corporations man, what’s up with that.”  Well it works here at least.  Have I ever told you about my theory that Hobbits are the hippie ideal?  No really think about it.  Hobbit society is the pinnacle of what I think the original 60’s hippie movement was about – not to be confused with today’s hipster hippies – and if you don’t believe me then just google Led Zepplin and Lord of the Rings.  They have three or four songs that were inspired by the books; Black Sabbath and Rush too.  Need more proof?  Here are my TOP 5 reasons why Hobbits are Hippie Idols:

  1. Twice Baked Hobbit Honey Cakes (6)Domes – hobbit holes are essentially those geodesic domes that hippies love so much.  I’m not sure why exactly the dome thing goes hand in hand with hippies.  I know that they are supposed to be highly efficient; ecologically friend spaces to live in though I imagine any microhouse can be constructed similarly.  Is it because of native peoples who lived in domes?  Is it the hobbit influence?  Is it just that that horrible pauly shore movie biodome?  I don’t have the answer but I just know this: people who live in dome houses shouldn’t buy square furniture.
  2. Barefoot living – hobbits go totally barefoot.  Hippies go barefoot.  Done.
  3. Music – hobbits are extremely musical and creative.  They sing and dance and play and make merry.
  4. Agrarian Society – hobbits all “share a love of things that grow.”  They are remarkably low tech—okay the entire middle earth is low tech, but hobbits seem to exude that vibe even more so.  They are extremely pro-green and anti-war. Hobbits get set in their ways in their little earthen homes and don’t want to build up or bigger.  There’s no push for “progress.”  They have absolutely zero ambition to do anything more than grow food for eating and boy do they eat a lot which leads me to…
  5. Munchies, Pipe Weed and Ales – Hobbits sit around getting baked, eating food all day and drinking fermented grain.  Hello hippie heaven.

With all this in mind I set out to discover any sort of recipe specific to The Hobbit that I could create.  Not only did I find something delicious to work with, but it totally goes along with my hobbits are hippies theory.  Twice Baked Honey Cakes.  Hobbit? Check.  Hippie Pot Joke?  Check.  Delicious? Check Check Check.

Stackable and good for travel!

Stackable and good for travel!

“[Beorn] lade them with food to last them for weeks with care, and packed so as to be as easy as possible to carry — nuts, flour, sealed jars of dried fruit, and red earthenware pots of honey, and twice backed cakes that would keep a good long time, and on a little of which they could march far. The making of these was one of his secrets; but honey was in them, as in most of his foods, and they were good to eat, though they made one thirsty.”
The Hobbit, Chapter 7 – Queer Lodgings

So there was my inspiration: a cake that gets baked twice, laden with honey, which holds up well to travel, keeps for days, makes ya thirsty and is the sort of calorie packed fuel you want on a journey.  Tall order for a hobbit sized cake but I got to it and I’m really proud of the result.  The way I see it Beorn would have made a cake that is eaten quite readily after going through the oven once but in order to send it on a journey, baked it a second time.  Why? Well an extremely wet, moist cake won’t travel well but if it were baked a second time you might turn it into something firmer and more travel steady.  That’s exactly what I developed.

Twice Baked Hobbit Honey Cakes (3)

This cake comes out of the oven the first time extremely springy, moist and sticky.  When it gets baked the second time, an outer layer of honey hardens like a shell protecting the still cakey, tender interior.  This makes it great for stacking and traveling but is totally edible whether you bake it once or bake it twice.  I also wanted it to be something with sustenance so I made a blend for my flour that contained not only all purpose but whole wheat, flax, bran and nuts.  I didn’t add anything into the batter because I wanted to make sure the cake itself was good but now that I’ve confirmed it, feel free to mix in dried fruits and whole nut chunks too.  I went with the muffin method for baking because while I imagine Beorn has a sort of gourmet twist to him, as a bear he’s not going to want to do much more than whisk a liquid into a dry mix.  No opposable thumbs you see.

Beorn’s Twice Baked Honey Cakes

An Olivia Original inspired by “The Hobbit” Read more

Nov 28

3 Comments

Are you gourd with pumpkin pie yet?

 I know I know, Halloween is over, Thanksgiving is over, there are leftovers in the fridge and you’ve probably gorged on enough pumpkin pie that even a Starbucks Pumpkin Pie Latte sounds awful.  But see with all the nonsense around buying a car and getting back into work, I didn’t think the timing lined up for yet another pumpkin pie/tart recipe.  Still we haven’t had a chance to discuss Thanksgiving yet reader and I have such a story to share.

 I set the oven on fire this Thanksgiving.

Now admittedly it wasn’t my fault and the long version of the story makes it pretty clear it was an unavoidable flare up but the fact remains: I woke up my family with an oven fire on Thanksgiving Day.  So much for my reputation as a kitchen guru huh?  The damn oven was smoking up a storm and for whatever reason the fire alarm refused to turn off even with the usual vigorous towel waving and window opening.  Gee could that be because there was an actual fire Olivia?  SHUSH YOU!

Okay long story: so Thanksgiving morning was all about getting the pie in the oven first.  I almost always make dessert first.  It gets pushed off otherwise so I always start the day with pies and things, then put the Turkey in the oven for a long, low and slow cook.  In fact I usually have a detailed plan mapping out precisely what temperature things are cooking at so I can coordinate oven space accurately.  I take this holiday seriously.  Well a kitchen fire kind of throws off my clockwork precision and that whole plan fell apart leading to a very, very delayed dinner.

Let’s set the scene: the pie crust had been pre-baked, cooled and filled with my new pumpkin pie recipe I was playing with.  As I walked to the open oven, carefully keeping the filling from sloshing over the sides, a small dog dashed under my feet.  We have 5 dogs in the house, in case I never mentioned that.  This particular canine happens to be my mother’s lapdog that I often refer to as Salacious B. Crumb because he rather reminds me of the court jester  ****TRIVIA TIME: Who is Salacious B. Crumb?  Be the first to answer and win a treat from me!  Previous winner of the most recent contest is ineligible to win.**** 

Salacious comes dashing in under my feet, I trip and the pie goes flying.  Thankfully my expensive, French pie dish remained intact but uncooked pumpkin pie innards were dripping down the insides of my oven looking like The Great Chunkin Pumpkin Charlie Brown—dotted with smashed up bits of pie crust.  I damn near burst into tears.  I was going to have to start ALL OVER and now I had to clean the oven on top of it.  Thankfully Mom swooped into action and cleaned the oven for me while I pulled one of my spare pie crusts out of the freezer to defrost.  Yes I have spare pie crusts in my freezer.  It’s so much easier to make triple batches and freeze some whenever you make dough. 

The problem was that not all the pumpkin pie filling got cleaned up in the oven.  Not Mom’s fault and she was a superhero for helping me out with the mess…though it was HER dog that caused the problem :-P

Well what happens when a gas oven has organic combustible material present near the bottom flame?  Yeah.  Fire.

When I went to turn the oven on to re-bake a crust and put the Turkey in, SWOOSH went the flames and “WAAAAAAH” went the Olivia.  That time I did cry a little out of frustration over the delay.  I was handicapped.  Nothing I was going to do on the stovetop could be done until an hour or so before dinner—the turkey being removed from the oven was the stovetop trigger.  All the “do ahead” stuff had already been done ahead.  I literally had to just stop, sit and watch the pretty red flames dance away waiting for it to all finally burn off so I could use the oven again.  Dinner was supposed to be done at 5PM.  We ate at 8PM instead.  I felt like such an utter failure.  A very kind bottle of red wine unstoppered by to keep me company during this waiting time so it wasn’t too bad; somehow I managed not to repeat the performance.

Thankfully the spread didn’t suffer and I was able to make my entire menu after all.  As for that original pumpkin pie?  I had about a cup and half of filling left and decided to save that for something else and just rework the whole recipe from scratch.  I was using egg whites for lift and by the time the next pie was ready the whites would have lost their integrity in that first mix.  Instead I saved it and poured it into a small tartlet the next day with a fun twist on traditional flavors.  The result of my kitchen pyrotechnics was a delicious tart recipe with a very rummy pumpkin filling and walnut cardamom tart dough.

So there you have it: the story of Thanksgiving 2012 when Olivia set the kitchen on fire and a delicious pumpkin rummy tart to commemorate the event.

Rummy Pumpkin Tarts

an Olivia Original Read more

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