I should note I wrote this just before the Waco disaster last night. Like an hour before.
It’s hard for me to focus on anything but the news when something big and horrifying happens. That’s why the blog goes dark usually in the day following a major even like what happened in Boston. I just can’t seem to bring myself to write about anything other than the event that’s taken over news media…assuming I’m able to bring myself to write about it at all. It really disturbs me too that my last post was literally about just enjoying something for its own beautiful sake to be marred by a mass bombing that is anything but beautiful. Unfortunately as evident by this post I’m still unable to get to writing about anything until I talk about the giant elephant in the room. So okay here’s my response to the bombing of the Boston Marathon.
First of all when I found out I was actually climbing onto the treadmill to do my daily run. I usually get at least 2 miles in a day now—minimum of 1 even on days when I feel like shit—and let me tell you that running while watching the news about people who died while running is surreal. I found myself wondering “should I be doing this? Should I stop? This feels disrespectful somehow.” It was the most bewildering thing to be feeling when I was supposed to be getting exercise. I don’t normally watch the televisions in the gym when I work out. I really like zoning out to my music and daydreaming or feeling the “pavement” i.e. the treadmill track beneath my feet. Obviously though when the tv is in front of your face and the words EXPLOSION streaming across it tends to grab your attention.
But here’s the really sick thing I feel about these events now. As I was watching and looking for a death toll, seeing that it was at 2 I thought “oh well okay, it’s only a little bombing.” WTF. What kind of world do I live in where I even have that kind of reaction? Were other people having any of the same thoughts as me? See I actually pay attention to the news. I’m a media hound. I have google news tabs open my computer all the time. Bombings like Boston are happening almost every day in poorer countries around the globe. It almost strikes me as arrogant when people in the US are so shocked about one like this happening here. We’re a big fucking target for disgruntled angry terrorists—foreign and homegrown alike. Frankly I’m really surprised we don’t have more bombings here. We certainly get enough shootings it seems like the next logical one-up in the mad man’s mind for media attention. I found myself getting cynical about how this is going to be on everyone’s mind for the next month but no one seems to be aware that today for example, Egypt sent two rockets into Israel. No one is probably aware that 182 people died in Afghanistan this month in bombings. These events are so far removed and so common that I guess we just don’t pay attention. But I do. Ever since I was woken up by two very large plane crashes over a decade ago I can’t help but keep a beat on the pulse of this world and the pulse is explosive. Turns out a few of my friends were having the same thoughts/feelings/reactions as me. I wonder if it was like this before 9/11 for other generations or if this is the new norm for us who exist in a world without the twin towers.
I’m not ranting or raging though. I get it. I mean these other events are far removed from us. The world is smaller than it used to be but we’re still made up of a myriad of cultures—many far removed and still barely understand by the others. The events that hit close to home are the ones that are going to grab our attention because it could be people we know, people we experience life with rather than read about. As we evolve in our technological achievements we’re also going to evolve at getting better at killing each other so the bigger the BOOM and the closer we are to it, the more we’ll pay attention. I totally get it. It makes me happy too that the silver lining to these events is always the revelation of the strength of human spirit and the good things that are possible by people en masse as opposed to the bad things the mob mentality likes to bring out of us as well. Two sides of the same coin—that’s humanity in a nutshell isn’t it? We are capable of horrifying evil and astonishing kindness.
I just hope that I don’t get lost in the apathy between the two. I think I’m okay though. I still cried at Glee last week. Yes motherfuckers I was on a treadmill watching the latest episode about the school shooting with tears streaming down my face so I know I’m not a robot yet.
Anyway in times like this one of the best things is comfort food. Certain things fall quite obviously into the category of comfort food. Bread Pudding is definitely one of them. I mean not only is it bread which I find incredibly homey, delicious and often crave just a giant loaf to chew on when I’m down, but it’s bread in pudding form. You don’t get more rustic, warm and down to earth than that. When we read about people using bombs, North Korea getting testy with nuclear weaponry, I think there’s a little bit of a longing for a world where these kinds of creative mass murders aren’t possible. A little technological rewind. Well we can’t undo any of these things without totally destroying civilization as we know it and frankly if you asked most people my age about living in a world without terrorist bombs at the cost of their smartphones…I’m pretty sure I know what they’d choose. Hell I don’t think I’d choose any different. I can at least travel back in time though in my kitchen and find comfort and delicious heaven where I make it. Warning: this is literally the best bread pudding I have ever had. I had total strangers at work seeking me out to tell me that they were brought some and tell me it was the best bread pudding that they had ever had. It’s seriously the antithesis of pain and agony—it’s absolute joy in a bowl, in your mouth and in your stomach. Hell you might like it so much that you even cherish a little fat deposit from eating the entire batch because it will stir such fond memories of the flavors. It’s that good and I certainly need something good right now. Don’t you?
Caramel Apple Bread Pudding
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