Brownies with Bite
Comic-Con Recaps to resume tomorrow.
Last night I was curled up with a pint of Arctic Zero and Pablo Neruda pausing to reflect on my life and where it is versus where it’s going. The last year has been rough, there is no denying that, and there are things I really want to do moving forward. Things I’ve been too afraid to do. Things I had excuses not to try. Those excuses are drying up and it’s time to actually take the plunge.
My most recent ex (spiderman as I’d call him on here from time to time) was probably the biggest thing keeping me from making the move I know I need to make. 
I have this inability to give up on relationships with people who I’ve given part of myself to. I have this kind of sick need to see that something is really dead and gone before I can bury it and move on. I’m too afraid of leaving something still breathing or beating in a box below the ground. As a result many of my breakups happen after prolonged periods of misery for one or both people. This last one was a while coming, I saw it happening and frankly there were some really big warning signs. After all when your significant other is doing things that show an utter lack of respect to you, to your supposed relationship, that’s a sign it’s time to move on. Maybe it’s because I feel like I’ve lost so many people in my life, I want to hold on and hope it will pull through. It could also be that I’m just used to the dysfunction.
I know it’s nuts, but part of me believes that real love and passion have to go hand-in-hand with pain and fighting. I wonder where I get that from.
Still if that person in your life is texting someone else at 2AM about tearing off their clothes, odds are it’s time to get out. If there are more tense moments and almost fights than smiles, it might be time to get out. I just always want to go on fighting until there’s nothing left to fight for. That’s not the right way to be.
Do you know what I think it really comes down to? I think I, and people like me, know that it’s over but the truth is we are afraid. Fear. That’s the real problem. Another friend of mine is going through a painful breakup. I think his first. You know what echoes a lot when we talk about it? Fear. Fear of never finding someone else that makes the world shine in the way only love makes it shimmer. Fear of being alone. Fear that 20 years down the road you will look back and discover that this was the biggest mistake of your lifetime and you can never reclaim it. Fear.
You know what?
Fuck Fear.
Fear is a bitch. I’m not saying go out and embrace stupid choices to defy it. Caution, sound judgment and rationality are all good things. When your skin prickles as you stand next to a roaring black bear it’s for a damn good reason. The fear of it though, that’s what leads to making stupid choices and mistakes. Fear is what keeps horses standing still when a fire rages around them. Fear is what motivates people to sacrifice their freedom for an illusion of safety. Fear is what leads to internment camps and gas chambers. Fear is what keeps us stuck in the past instead of moving forward. It’s the fear that you will look back on in life and regret.
I must not fear.
Fear is the mind-killer.
Fear is the little-death that brings total obliteration.
I will face my fear.
I will permit it to pass over me and through me.
And when it has gone past I will turn the inner eye to see its path.
Where the fear has gone there will be nothing.
Only I will remain.
If there is one thing I want to improve and to work on now, it’s not giving into that anymore. After a breakup it’s okay to be sad or be angry. I can be both of those things for a long time if I want to be. I’ll probably feel angry and used for a while still after this last one. What I refuse to be is afraid. I will not cower inside and be afraid that my life is over or that I will always look back on each last relationship with only regret. I will not fear that the best is over. That will accomplish nothing. It may be true. I must not let myself believe it before I know it. If I am 80 years old someday and reading this shaking my head at how stupid I was, I’ll know then, but I’m not 80 yet. I have the luxury of living my life right now and I’ll leave the 20/20 hindsight to my future self-regarding this message if turns out to be all wrong.
I won’t think about that today. I’ll think about it tomorrow.
So instead I’m going to jump off some cliffs and try to build my wings on the way down. Why be afraid of the fall? If I fall it will all be over and I won’t have a chance to regret it.
In honor of the Dune, the Bene Gesserit, and oddly enough this theme of anti-fear that runs through a lot of my Hugo Award nominees (just wait until I review Deadline guys) I’m going to share some ginger spiced brownies with you today. Brownies are the perfect comfort food and the spice/Dune connection is hopefully pretty obvious but don’t go thinking these are food for girls or boys wallowing in their misery. Sure they will work well for that, but the candied ginger gives these brownies a real bite hidden inside of them. A hidden surprise that will wake you up; exactly what was called for last night and what anyone stuck in their misery needs—a delicious, sharp slap to the face!
Fearless Ginger Brownies
Modified slightly from Cook’s Illustrated “Classic Brownies” recipe published 2004
- 1¼ cups (5 ounces) cake flour
- ½ teaspoon salt
- ¾ teaspoon baking powder
- 6 ounces unsweetened chocolate, chopped fine
- 12 tablespoons (1½ sticks) unsalted butter, cut into six 1-inch pieces
- 2¼ cups (15¾ ounces) sugar
- 4 large eggs
- 1 tablespoon vanilla extract
- ½ cup diced candied ginger (chewy kind)
1. Adjust oven rack to middle position; heat oven to 325 degrees. Cut 18-inch length foil and fold lengthwise to 8-inch width. Fit foil into length of 13 by 9-inch baking dish, pushing it into corners and up sides of pan; allow excess to overhand pan edges. Cut 14-inch length foil and, if using extra-wide foil, fold lengthwise to 12-inch width; fit into width of baking pan in same manner, perpendicular to first sheet. Spray foil-lined pan with nonstick cooking spray.
2. If using nuts, spread nuts evenly on rimmed baking sheet and toast in oven until fragrant, 5 to 8 minutes. Set aside to cool.
3. Whisk to combine flour, salt, and baking powder in medium bowl; set aside.
4. Melt chocolate and butter in large heatproof bowl set over saucepan of almost-simmering water, stirring occasionally, until smooth. (Alternatively, in microwave, heat butter and chocolate in large microwave-safe bowl on high for 45 seconds, then stir and heat for 30 seconds more. Stir again, and, if necessary, repeat in 15-second increments; do not let chocolate burn.) When chocolate mixture is completely smooth, remove bowl from saucepan and gradually whisk in sugar. Add eggs on at a time, whisking after each addition until thoroughly combined. Whisk in vanilla. Add flour mixture in three additions, folding with rubber spatula until batter is completely smooth and homogeneous. Stir in the ginger and any other additions you may want such as nuts.
5. Transfer batter to prepared pan; using spatula, spread batter into corners of pan and smooth surface. Bake until toothpick or wooden skewer inserted into center of brownies comes out with few moist crumbs attached, 30 to 35 minutes. Cool on wire rack to room temperature, about 2 hours, then remove brownies from pan by lifting foil overhang. Cut brownies into 2-inch squares and serve. (Store leftovers in airtight container at room temperature, for up to 3 days.)
Trackbacks & Pingbacks
- “Bite Me” Ginger Brownies « Tastes of Chocolat
- Housekeeping | Old, new or true
- The Book Will Not Bite You: Dune in June Read-Along Week 4 « Bluebird Blvd.
- The Wind-Up Dune Chronicles. Until Next Year. | Old, new or true
- Brownies with Bite « Live, Laugh, Love
- Scribble & Scrawl 15 Minute Challenge: Litany Against Your Bad Habit | Old, new or true
- Raspberry & Rosemary Sherbet + whipped cream « Tartine & Maple
- SciFriday: Delicious RIB-ulations of a Zombie rising | Rollings Reliable
- Brownies: Going places, making new friends | Rollings Reliable
Fear will make *YOU* its bitch, So don’t let it. Make like Ripley, be tough in the face of insurmountable odds, and win. Simple, right?*wry grin*
BTW My hubby and I bicker. We only have knock down drag ‘em out fights when we disagree on matters of principle. Somehow we always come to a happy medium and move on. Sure, bickering is part of a relationship, but we don’t let it define what our relationship is. The bottom line is that a good relationship is built on mutual trust, honest cimmunication, and respect-fragile things that must be protected at all costs. The second either of those things is breached by some kind of infidelity, it’s over, plain and simple. You will never again get back that pure, sweet trust that was there in the beginning.
A relationship is on the downhill slide the second someone crosses the line. Better to end it then, rather than drag it out. get past that dysfunction and get into a more healthy place, especially since you know that some things can’t be repaired/ Sometimes a broken glass is just that-a broken glass. Sweep up the pieces and toss ‘em, and try not to break another one.
<3
PS when you get your happy butt to SoCal, you are cooking for me. <3
Haha will do!
Hey Olivia! It was great running into you at con; shame to know that you had these things weighing you down at all for it. Part of me wants to say “I’m sorry to hear that” about your relationship ending, but I’ve had too similar of an experience to be anything but happy for you. Not very long ago, I was facing the same issues, and staying in a relationship that I knew wasn’t healthy, out of fear – fear of what it would do to her to end it, and yes, the fear of myself being alone. But eventually, when I “let it pass over me and through me” and took the steps I needed to take, I knew I had made the right decision. Letting go of a relationship is never easy, but I can tell you now that making changes and moving forward is energizing and liberating. I’m making changes in my own life right now; I’m not sure where the future will lead, but I know it will be better than the present, and I can already feel some things getting better just from those first steps. So do it – take that leap, and you WILL grow wings on the way down, and fly to much more beautiful heights than where you started.
Oh, and by the way, I will have to try these brownies! Anything inspired by equal parts personal discovery, Frank Herbert, and my favorite dessert deserves a taste. If my roommates are in town this weekend I may have to try and bake them a batch (if so, I promise pictures, at least so you can laugh at the trainwreck). And speaking of friends, you should get down here to SoCal double quick, and let me know when you do. We’ve got a pretty good group down here in LA county that you should meet; it’ll be a perfect excuse for a dinner party.
Maybe it’s not only fear, but stubborn optimism that you can work things out? I know I’m hardheaded about sticking my relationships out, frustrating the hell out of my friends (and myself). While it can help work through legitimately difficult times, it also makes letting go hard to do (“forgetting is so long”).
You’re right, a lot of it is fear. Fear of regret can loom large. A large part of life is perfecting our ability to fight our demons off. The hope is that somewhere between adolescence and age 80 we figure it all out.
But you know what I’ve found that makes it easier if you seek it out? Our friends and loved ones. They help us objectively examine the mistakes that we blind ourselves to, remind us of our better selves, provide stern advice when we need it. Offer comfort, support, companionship. Help build those wings on our way down.
And, in the end, isn’t that what all the combined universes of Firefly, Doctor Who, Harry Potter, Star Trek, Star Wars, and Buffy all remind us that is important? We could lead solitary lives, fighting our fears alone, but the community of our created family always makes it easier.
I’d almost venture to say that our friends and loved ones (and the stories that remind us of them) are the enzymes that catalyze our life’s experiences, but that’d be incredibly nerdy. And not even a food metaphor!
All the best taking that leap.
Wow those brownies look fantastic. I’m a brownie lover and mouth is watering from looking at these brownies. I love chocolate and ginger but i never had the two combinations together. I made a promise to myself that I would try anymore brownie recipes but I will be trying this one. This is on my list to make. Thanks for sharing.
Fuck fear, indeed! Beautiful post — love the dichotomy and parallels between your love life and brownies with a hidden surprise.
I started my blog after a blind-siding, crazy-making, completely baffling divorce — in fact, my marriage ended with the inscription on a brick. A literal brick. So symbolism is HUGE to me. And yes, we all need to take more chances — brownies with bite are a good first step!
Congrats to you, and best of luck…
:)
i adore that quote from dune! and these brownies sound delish! thanks for sharing :)
Delicious ,Nice post. Jalal
brownies are grat, i love it, that’s a pitty that they include so many calories ;)
Olivia,
Thank you for your bold vulnerability. Your openness invites–rather, encourages–others to face their fears and stand up invigorated with dignity. Also, thank you for this recipe; I love both chocolate and ginger, so these brownies are a major winner for me!
Blessings!
-Jillian
Nicely written! Good for you! You go girl! And remember, stick to your guns…always!
Great post, you really out it out there. loved this red flag – “Still if that person in your life is texting someone else at 2AM about tearing off their clothes, odds are it’s time to get out.”
Oh, and the brownie recipe looks tasty as well.
I love brownies!
Thank you for writing this. I needed a slap to get me out of my own post-breakup remorse and self-loathing. Here’s another reason to get out of a relationship: when someone hits you, bruises you, and makes you bleed.
As for the brownies, Holy Ginger Batman! 1/2 cup of those suckers is quite a punch. I might tame it down a bit the first time if I bake these.
Stay strong,
Heather
Great post… you go girl… I have seen my fair share of roller coasters and know one thing.. Baking is one of those sublime times that blurs the sharp edges of life… like music, great friends and above all, a belief in yourself…
I’ll be trying this recipe I’m a chocoholic :) Facing up to your fears is difficult but worth doing you would hate to reach 80 and regret not having done so. Hope everything works out for you.
I fear this brownie recipe. I’m afraid i’ll never be able to eat anything else again.
Chocolate brownies and breakups… they always seem to go together. There is something about focusing on the now, the present, and taking those baby steps through time into the future. The future where you will stop and realize that you made it to the other side: that place in time where you realize that you haven’t thought about him or the breakup in a while and you have moved on with your life. Happy travels to the other side… and remember the quote: “Time heals all wounds and wounds all heels!” Thanks for your post, it was raw, open and vulnerable.
Really loved this post. I so understand the way you feel about this relationship; all the time I was reading your post I felt like I was reading my own story.. that way we keep holding on, even if ALL the signs that tell you something is going f*cking wrong are there, desperately trying to save it all (and without really asking you why..), and then everything is slowly turning into self-destruction. Even if it seems hard to go through, breakup is definitely the first step to happiness and freedom. I know it’s sounds like meaningless quotes, everything is happening for a reason, and time will fix things; but you’ll see that it takes all its sense. Forget about the guy, avoid him in every possible way, keep writing, keep talking and pushing out your feelings, don’t rush yourself, don’t lie to yourself, don’t act fake about the way you are and pleeease, do not dig the the hell out trying to find where you’ve been wrong or whatever. It will kill you and I’m pretty sure you did the best you can, maybe you did much more than you should have; this guy just didn’t deserve you, he’s a jerk. And most important thing now… enjoy every minute, every single little things in life: a oh-so-fresh-and-good mojito, dinner with friends, just feeling the sun on your skin outside, smiling, taking a look at this Hmmmm! UPS man doing a delivery in front of the terrasse where you enjoy summer with people you like.. and eating ginger brownies bites, of course! : )
You look lovely, you sound wise and bright, you shouldn’t fear to be forever alone and never find someone! And who can resist brownies? Remember that the way to a man’s heart is through his stomach! : P
Wish you the best!
Oh God look delicious!
I love brownies & I love ginger! What a lovely combo!!
I think I just gained 200 pounds reading this blog! Absolutely delicious!
I love the attitude, I love the brownies! You keep going girl and tell fear it’s time to leave town. Remember “Fear is not to be afraid of”..my favorite saying that keeps me going!
I. Think. That. I. Am. In. Love!! Fuck fear. Fearless brownies are officially HOT!!
I love your fearless brownies. I also love Cooks Illustrated so basic so organic.
I am from thefearlesscookingclub.com so we are kindred cooking spirits.
Oh my goodness, Dune and Brownies in the one post!
You need to meet my friend Bluebird Blvd – we just finished up a several week discussion about Dune, but we neglected to cover Spice brownies. How remiss of us!
So here is the wrap up of Dune in June http://bluebirdblvd.net/?s=Dune+in+June
And you have a blog named after Anne of Green Gables so I think I’m going to like you. Relationship fear is the worst. But I guess being able to recognise it is half the battle won right?
I posted about this recently and if you can excuse my perfectly ordinary and not intended to ever be a regular feature of my blog poem, there are some great links to “lemonade from the lemons” articles at the end of it.
http://oldnewortrue.wordpress.com/2012/06/29/housekeeping/
Congrats on being freshly pressed. All the best with your fight! Sounds like you are sticking up for yourself and that’s the most important thing.
Addressing the first portion: I’m pretty much the same; I refuse to give up on a relationship in case there might be something to it. For me, taking that stance was in response to my fear of relationships in general, and I once screwed up something really good because I was afraid.
*And I love the Anne of Green Gables reference in your tag line! ;)
I love this! Completely love it. You describe it so well, that place where we find ourselves…. I too need to see something is absolutely dead….. a corpse…… nearly decomposing before I bury the damn thing.
God I hate love…
hello, the brownies look good but your story is even better. it has a tang to it… ^^ healing maybe an arduous path but what the hey, you’re doing the trek. way to go… regards :)
Hash.Tag.Relate.Yeah, eff’ fear. Let’s “Keep moving forward” :)
Well, I’m hooked! Highly relatable post because you were so honest, and as an added bonus, those brownies look delectable! Thank you for sharing both your story, your recipes, and your creative talent bringing the two together. I look forward to reading your future posts!
Very touchy. I hold my fingers crossed for you.
I tried to beat fear by walking my dogs in the wood, for one, and telling myself that even the smallest birds can fly, to take this further.
Good luck!
They look absolutely mouth watering! I’ve given up chocolate for Ramadan (Lacking the ability to not eat all day without turning into a hungry, rabid female) so I want to just take these out of the screen and eat one. Have you ever made beetroot brownies? I remember the first time my Dad ever made them; I gave him this sort of ‘What the hell is that?’ look, which swiftly turned to a look of amazement as chocolate and beetroot created this wonderful taste in my mouth.
Looks yummy!
These look amazing they taste great with some fresh red chilli in as well.
I am so glad you are moving on! I related a lot to what you wrote about why it’s hard. And chocolate and ginger sounds like a great combination to try…….yum!
Would be trying those brownies soon. Glad you beat your fears.
Wow! You packed a lot into this post. It feels good to write out your struggles and gain insights about why things are the way they are, doesn’t it? I find it sometimes takes several sessions of this until I begin to have a revelation about my heart that indicates the Life I need to choose in favor of destructive paths I’ve so long followed unconsciously.
As an aside, I was tickled by your blog name–it made me think of Anne Shirley and her contest winning story. Love that movie! :)
Thought brownies were with different kind of ‘bite’ but i guess giner works.
yes I hear you, I’m the same way and have stayed in relationships for all the wrong reasons. Part of it is fear but most was not wanting to give up and hoping that there was something I could save or fix. Surely for me it has to do with some childhood issues in wanting to please everyone and have everyone like me but whatever, I’m over that. Maybe it’s just strong optimism and that’s fine, you live and learn. I think you’re right though, there is fear playing in that too, fear of loss or losing something even if its no good for you. Truth is, no one deserves to be disrespected or mistreated and glad you’re moving on….and making awesome brownies! Recipe sounds great by the way, I love ginger and spicy foods.
I’d consider myself fortunate if I were in a relationship with someone who wanted the relationship to work for as long as there was any hope, who didn’t want to bury it if there was any life left in it. If that’s how you feel, you’re someone whom a guy would count himself lucky to be involved with, a woman who cares enough to hang in when the going gets tough. Which is to say, that if this relationship doesn’t work out, better men will beat a path to your door. And the brownies will be frosting on the cake.
I definitely agree with you that with relationships you can spend a long time just trying to end it and end after it is ended you are angry, sad, and keeping a bad relationship can be summed up by having fear of it ended. You don’t want to stop the familiar, even if it is bad, because the unknown could be even worse. Oh, and the brownies look amazing too, that would have helped me through any breakup. ;-)
At the risk of sounding like an old worn cliche . . . You go, girl!!! Many a fab new life were created over a pan of brownies and a keyboard. Been there, done that. Excellent post. Fear not; just take it one step at a time. Congrats on being Freshly Pressed, and best of luck to you.
Great Post, I was feeling pretty similar recently and funnily enough made brownies! these ones look much better though with that added kick ;-), thanks for sharing!
THESE LOOK UUUUBERLICIOUS!!!!!
I enjoyed reading that. . . thanks! You’re right. . . fear is a bitch ;)
HIya! I love your attitude. I agree that’s good to reflect on relationships, face the fear, allow yourself to be sad for awhile. Feel the emotion. It will get better. The recipe looks delicious. I’ll have to try it.
Reblogged this on Bold & Beautiful.
Brownies and honesty? It doesn’t get any better. Great post! Thank you!
I clicked through ‘Freshly Pressed’ to what I thought would be a simple, if interesting, post about yummy brownies and ended up with a post full of references to one of my favorite sci-fi books. Awesome.
And from the sound of it, you’ve faced your Fear and are still standing. Good for you, and thank you for sharing.
‘Fear can stop you loving
Love can stop your fear
Fear can stop you loving
But it’s not always that clear’
(Fear and love, Morcheeba)
Great post and great dessert, chicks that know how to cook are always gems, never fear you’ll be alone!
weed
This brownie recipe is really appetizing. I would like to try this brownie with ginger. I wonder how it will taste like when I use in my baking as well…
Wow, that was really great. I clicked on this because I love chocolate, thus, yummy pictures of brownies seemed like a good click, and was quite impressed with your excellent points and writing. Great job!
Very well written. I think I will come back and read this when the house is quiet and kids are sleeping so I can soak it in. :) Thanks for the write up!
Loving the combination of chocolate and swearing. Clearly, a remedy for most ills.
Those look tasty! :)
If only we had a working crystal ball…
Chocolate delicious!
Love your definition of fear; but I want more of these scrumptious ginger brownies. Thanks for this awesome recipe. :D
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colorado springs divorce lawyers
Just stumbled upon your blog and it’s excellently written, the recipe was delicious, and your insights into breaking up are quite wise. Thanks for the un-intended help, I appreciate it!
great post – i’m sorry to hear about the breakup. but – the brownie recipe looks good. :)
Chocolate, ginger, depending on the time of day serve with coffee or a glass of red wine and you are well on your way to have your basic food groups covered! :)
Looks amazing!! Going to have to try these!
Nom! 👍
Beautifully written! I klicked on the post thinking to read about brownies and then I discovered this amazing text – which shared my thoughts exactly. Each of us has had maybe similar experiences. Like, being all your life in a (on the outside) very comfortable relationship, which makes you think after many years: here it feels strange somehow. You cannot define it (or maybe you can but don’t want to admit to yourself?) and then after a lot of thinking it is either you (again) who has to end this relationship (and shock everyone around) or to continue to pretend and act feelings which are gone. Is that fear? Fear of regretting one day? Because maybe there is something better out there, but hey – maybe not. Or is it this sadness and disappointment in life? Anyway, alea iacta est.
Thanks for hitting right in my soul.
OH MY GOSH! I’m going through my first breakup, and at times it’s been rough and at others it’s been surprisingly easy. But I forgot all about the Litany Against Fear!!! THANK YOU! I almost stood up and cheered in public when I read that lol! Hope you heal soon, and never let the mind killer get to you!
Awesome…
I love brownies, and this recipe its fantastic!!!
http://gadinas.wordpress.com
You got me hungry :)